*Submitted by: Don Dosmann
*Source Unknown . . . .
(If you know who wrote this, tell me so I can give proper credit to the
author.)

1. DUCT TAPE: Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum
and plastic. It’s safety wire, body material, radiator hose, upholstery,
insulation, tow rope, and more in one easy-to-carry package. Sure,
there’s a prejudice surrounding duct tape in concours competitions, but
in the real world everyone uses it by the yard -- from LeMans winning
Porsches to Atlas rockets. The only thing that can get you out of more
scrapes is a quarter and a phone booth.

2. VICE-GRIPS: Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling wire
twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts, and wiggle-it-till-it-falls-off
tool. The heavy artillery of your toolbox, vice grips are the only tool
designed expressly to fix things screwed up beyond repair.

3. SPRAY LUBRICANTS: A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors,
alternators, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm. Repeated
soakings of WD-40 will allow the main hull bolts of the Andrea Dora to
be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an integral part of these sprays
is the infamous little red tube that flies out of the nozzle if you look
at it cross-eyed, one of the 10 worst tools of all times.

4. MARGARINE TUBS WITH CLEAR LIDS: If you spend all your time under
the hood looking for a frendle pin that caromed off the peedle valve when
you knocked both off the air cleaner, it’s because you eat butter. Real
mecanics consume pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas, just so
they can use the empty tubs for parts containers afterward. (Some, of
course, chuck the butter-colored goo altogether or use it to repack
wheel bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs
aren’t connected by a time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of
Lost Frendle Pins.

5. BIG ROCK AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD: Block up a tire. Smack corroded
battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop nosy know-it-all types on the
noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs the raw
banging power of granite or limestone.

6. PLASTIC ZIP TIES: After twenty years of lashing down stray hoses and
wired with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly slicked up
version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can transform a
hulking mass of amateur-quality rewiring from a working model of the
Brazilian rain forest into something remotely resembling a wiring
harness. Of course, it works both ways. When buying used cars, subtract
$100 for each zip tie under the hood.

7. RIDICULOUSLY LARGE STANDARD SCREWDRIVER WITH LIFETIME GUARANTEE.
Admit it. There’s nothing better for prying, chiseling, lifting,
breaking, splitting, or mutilating than a huge flat-bladed screwdriver,
particularly when wielded with gusto and a big hammer. This is also the
tool of choice for oil filters so insanely located they can only be
removed by driving a stake in one side and out the other. If you break
the screwdriver - and you will, just like Dad or your shop teacher said
- who cares? It’s guaranteed.

8. BAILING WIRE: Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, bailing wire
holds anything that’s too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it’s not
recommended for concours contenders since it works so well you’ll never
replace it with the right thing again. Bailing wire is a sentimental
favorite in some circles, particularly with MG, Triumph, and flathead
Ford set.

9. BONKING STICK: This monstrous tuning fork with devilishly pointy ends
is technically known as a tie-rod-end separator, but how often do you
separate tie-ends? Once every decade, if you’re lucky. Other than
medieval combat, its real use is the all purpose application of undue
force, not unlike that of the huge flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature
doesn’t know the bent metal panel or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand
up to a good bonking stick. (Can also be used to separate tie-rod ends
in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it).

10. A QUARTER (now $0.35) AND A PHONE BOOTH:
{Okay so most of you have a cellular phone...but you get the idea}